Making the maths math and how do you really feel?
Recovering a sense of integrity in the creative life
“All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.” – MC Richard
Integrity.
Generally, I understand integrity to mean acting in alignment with my beliefs and values.
But what does this mean in the context of being a creative?
Julia Cameron, in her well-known book, The Artist’s Way, dedicates an entire chapter, or week of her program, to recovering a sense of integrity when it comes to reclaiming our creative lives.
Cameron expounds on what she means by integrity and it has to do with:
Noticing, in any context, what are “real feelings” and what are “official feelings”. This seems related to Martha Beck’s “essential self” vs the “social self”, where the former is what we REALLY want and the latter is the cover-up so we can fit in.
Discovering our boundaries and clarifying our own self’s perceptions/ misperceptions and it is this clarity that creates changes in our lives - for example, identifying that “I may have outgrown this job” may, overtime, become a call to action.
Generally, Cameron suggests that a stronger and clearer sense of “me” is what emerges as one recovers a sense of integrity. In a nutshell, she promotes the adage: “to thine own self be true”.
These past couple weeks, on my journey to live a more creative and sustainable life, practicing recovering a sense of integrity has shown up in the following situations for me:
Social media engagement
My limiting beliefs about social media have made engagement with it really black and white for me over the years.
I have believed that mostly all social media engagement is negative- superficial, harmful, manipulative.
As I begin to necessarily dip my toe into these waters with more open-mindedness, more gray, I am constantly checking in with myself as to whether I am okay with how I am engaging on social media.
Am I engaging in a way that allows me to still feel a sense of integrity?
Gigs and opportunities
I have been offered a few opportunities in the last few weeks.
The desperate part of me wants to say yes to everything.
The rational and discerning part of me talks my desperate part through the implications of saying yes to everything.
It asks:
is this opportunity aligned with your current project, your current focus? (ie. solo, singer-songwriter). If yes, say yes.
Will this opportunity provide you with the experience you want to have? (ie. a listening audience that wants to hear original music, appropriate tech and event space requirements, an opportunity to reach target audience). If yes, say yes. If no to these two questions, then ask:
Does it pay well? If yes, then proceed to next question.
Is it a no-fuss, logistical endeavour that will not take too much of your time in prep or travel and will you be in the black afterwards? If yes, then maybe I say yes?
The point is that I am trying to do more of what I want to do so that I get more opportunities to do what I want to do.
Something like:
“You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you tolerate.” (Tony Robbins(?)).
This is also true for my Airbnb operation I’ve been running at my house the last couple years.
In the last month, I’ve had smatterings of bookings for two nights here, three nights there, etc. When you stop to look at the actual ROI on these types of bookings, the maths don’t math:
An amount of revenue that might cover a couple weeks of groceries
MINUS
(time and energy resources used for preparation and post-cleaning
PLUS
logistical disruption to my work-from-home creative life (eg. not being able to rehearse, practice, or write music during the day because your basement guest is on night shifts and is sleeping all day).
PLUS
purchase of new sheets on regular basis when greasy bodies make grease stains on sheets.)
EQUALS
Not much joy.
Financial influencer and elder millennial, Ramit Sethi, talks about how we too often focus on the 5$ decisions instead of the bigger picture.
Where is the real leverage?
This is what this feels like when I say yes to an Airbnb guest that wants to book for three nights where I ultimately make less than minimum wage and I also can’t do my work as per my discipline and routine.
If I keep saying yes to this situation, this is what I will continue to get.
I’ve lived this way a long time. Thinking small. Making 5$ decisions.
As I reflect on integrity in the context of living a more creative life, I think that it means seeing the bigger picture, practicing prioritising and valuing my work and my art when it comes to everyday decision-making.
Like attracts like.
We get what we tolerate.
And this is a transferable learning experience across all dimensions of my life.
The big art is our life.
The arts we practice are but vehicles to growth and evolution.